he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
