i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
