Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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