I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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