3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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