i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
