someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
