And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
