Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Less talking, more tequila
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
