i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
