hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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