the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
