Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
