ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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