you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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