I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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