can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
