Your mouth is God's brothel.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
