I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
