Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i think i have two assholes
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sorry about my life...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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