I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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