When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
