He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
