the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
