i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
