you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
