the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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