nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
