U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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