a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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