Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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