Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
