i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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