I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
