Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
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Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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