you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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