So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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