just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
