I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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