dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
