Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
