I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
two words: eviction party
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
