I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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