Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
