I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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