I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I deserve this hangover.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
