I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
