he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i think we sleep fucked last night...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
