don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
