He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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