It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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