So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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