She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
