dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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