I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
