I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
