Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
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The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
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Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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