Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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