shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
