You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
