i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
