big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
