When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
