How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
