Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
