His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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