Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
