i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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