Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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