I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
