My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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