I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
