i think my tv is drunk
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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