Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
