Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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