arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
