he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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