My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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