If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
