He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
