My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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