I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
