All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
