He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
