Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
